Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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