Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
