Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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