Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
