TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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