he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
