I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
