Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
