perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
