last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
