That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
