if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
