He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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