mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
