so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
