yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
