Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
