i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
