Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
