This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
