Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
