TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Operation Purity has been aborted
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
