are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
