You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
