Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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