She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
