Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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