I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
