I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
