Dude my mom stole all your condoms
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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