I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
