i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
