I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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