After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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