Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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