i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
