I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
