I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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