Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Sorry my hands just texted you
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
