as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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