shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
