Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
