The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
