I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
