Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
