Are we in a gay sports bar?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
