How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
