i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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