I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Randomize
