She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
