i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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