My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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