Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
