She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
